Pompey Showbiz Eleven

Pompey Showbiz Eleven

For some the glitz and glamour of playing at Fratton Park on a wet Wednesday night just wasn’t enough

Formation

David James

To give the big fella his due, Jamo was one of the most accomplished keepers the club has ever had. A soggy-bottomed appearance on the Great Sport Relief Bake Off proved that the same level of consistency could not be apportioned to his baking. His canapés, unforgivably, came out the size of an extra large sausage roll from Greggs.

Tom Kilbey

Pretty boy Kilbey was a midfielder by trade but we’ve given him the right back slot due to the indignity he brought upon the Blues by regularly appearing as a monosyllabic hunk in The Only Way Is Essex. Recently linked romantically with Michael Jackson’s daughter, Kilbey should know the only way is Hampshire (S0 postcodes excluded).

Eoin Hand

The Irish centre half was a great servant of the Blues during two spells at the club. He also aspires to be a singer-songwriter in the chunky cardigan wearing style of a modern day, Val Doonican (yes, that good). His album, After The Ball - all proceeds to Irish Guide Dogs For The Blind - is not available from all good record shops.

Reg Flewin

Local lad Flewin was the iron man in Pompey’s championship-winning defence. In retirement he went on to be the entertainment manager at Fort Warden holiday camp in the Isle of Wight. You don’t get much more razzamatazz than that.

Lee Sharpe

The randy Man United starlet was way past his best when on loan at Fratton Park in 2001. Worse was to come when he found himself washed up on the first series of Celebrity Love Island four years later. This time he did perform, shunning the advances of the lusty Jayne Middlemiss, he ended up getting off with the busty Abi Titmuss.

Cliff Portwood

The twinkle-toed winger played 106 times for Pompey in the 1960s scoring 30 times. When he hung up his boots Cliff morphed into Mr Showbiz and pursued a singing career that led him to perform at the London Paladium and also earn a regular spot on Australian television. He once went drinking with Keith Moon, which he described as “an interesting experience.”

Chris Kamara

Kammy was signed by the Blues from the Royal Navy in 1974 and put in a tough-tackling shift in the centre of midfield. His infectious personality led to regular gig on TV as a football analyst. The showbiz part comes, however, in the form of his sterling work on ITV’s ground-breaking Give A Pet A Home – British television at its finest. Unbelievable.

Jamie O’Hara

His season on loan from Tottenham (2009/10) rightfully earned the talented Mr O’Hara a vast number of terrace plaudits and the coveted Player of the Season award. His wretched appearance on Celebrity Big Brother again showed him to be a bit of a player but, overall, he was not so universally applauded.

Kevin O’Callaghan

Cally was a great left-winger and shone brightly in Pompey’s promotion winning team of 1987. He also starred in the 1981 Hollywood blockbuster Escape To Victory alongside such fellow luminaries as Michael Caine and Sylvester Stallone. How he didn’t win the Best Actor Oscar that year is scandalous.

Dave Kitson

Signed from Stoke as part of the deal that took Marc Wilson the other way, the flame-haired striker didn’t exactly pull up trees during his stay at Fratton Park. It may have been he was distracted by his literary career, as rumour has it that Kitson is the man behind the Guardian’s popular Secret Footballer column. There could be a grain of truth in it, as he often played as though the game was a total mystery to him.

Andrew Cole

Another whose sell by date had expired by the time he rocked up at Fratton Park, Andy/Andrew Cole possessed a pretty decent record as a Premier League goalscorer. Anybody who bought Cole’s hip hop debut single, Outstanding, did not… possess a decent record that is. Outstanding, it most definitely was not.